6th May 2000 1st Xl v Police at home

Sun, Runs and a Late Finish.

A week of dry weather meant that we could kick the ducks off the field at Tong and actually have a game of cricket. The opposition Leeds Police!?

A bit of a misnomer this one - if there were any there they were definitely in the minority. The team appeared to be made up mainly, of the venerable Mr Davies and Mr Dickson and a spritely assortment of very talented young gentlemen of 'eastern' extraction. One of these," the fastest thing to come out of Lahore" was having so much trouble with the short boundary at the 'car-park end' that the umpire invoked a little known local rule. This allowed him to overstep the crease by up to 12 inches without it being a no ball!

Now I must ask you to bear with your correspondent because for the first half of the afternoon the radio car was at the Tongans game, and so the description of the Police batting and Tong fielding is the product of a number of contributors. The result of this may well be that what follows bears little similarity to actual events!

The skipper, still tossing well, put the 'Police' in to bat, and bat they did.

Reg in deep thought

Though the batting side had only reached 38 for 1 off 13 overs, PC Khan and PC Mahmood soon began to pick up the pace, and took the score on to 76 after 20 overs, and 154 in the 28th over. This was not just the point at which Sgt Mahmood lost his wicket, and young Mullaney took his first victim for the club, but was also the 'champagne fielding moment' of the day.

From the four variations of the story given to your correspondent in the haze of a late Saturday evening, we have been able to piece together the following description.

'Gordon the Gofer' Hastie, siestaing at backward square leg (I'll draw a map sometime!), was awakened from his hibernation by the sound of leather fast approaching at speeds estimated between 50 and 300 mph!

In an effort to either protect his face or his expensive designer glasses, Gordon flung his hands infront of his eyes - you hadn't realised they were detachable? Anyway, the ball amazingly hit one of the floating hands and rebounded to Gordons left.

Being dextrous, Gordon was able to reattach his hands and throw himself towards the ball, stunning Inspector Mahmood by holding a remarkable catch.

Unfortunately this spurred DC Khan to pick up the pace and, aided and abetted by his fellow officers he helped take their total on to a more than respectable 290 runs.

Two other instances in the field deserve mention before we go for our ham sandwiches and sausage rolls, the first from young JM who, in his effort to stop a quick single fired in the ball at the stumps but unfortunately missed them, the keeper and any possible back-up.

The second apparently involved our skipper doubling as Ogdens Demolition, who in taking a catch which was unfortunately already over the boundary, bounced off the stone buildings adjacent to the pavilion. Local residents will be pleased to note that we have contacted structural surveyors to inspect the damage. Reg, you've no doubt guessed, is unmarked. Now if that had been 'George' Hornby there would have been blood all over the place.

Tea (though after some 187 minutes in the field some said it was more like supper), allowed both visitors and crowd time to take in the developments that 'Odd Job' Spargo and his crew have been undertaking around the club.

The partly erected picket fence infront of the pavilion will provide welcome protection when Bob decides to start cutting strips at the top of the square. Micks new benches were also put to the test by the combined weight of a herd of buffalo, in the shape of Cross, Hastie, Higgs, Rule and Woodhall. Quite amazing that all five could get on one bench at the same time, and obviously something to consider when erecting any further seating.

The teams bulk also caused problems when the seasons new shirts arrived (kindly sponsored by the Courtyard Hotel). Apparently 46" shirts are too small for four members of the team who have all requested 50"! There was a little concern also over the length of the sleeves on some of the shirts as they appeared to have been fashioned for an orang-utan.

So, tea over, back to the fray.

As Reg and Young Shack took guard there was a distinct chill across the ground. Was it the north wind blowing in from Greenhough Mansion or the fear of facing Superintendent Arif bowling off 18 yards?

Whichever, our skipper and his young subaltern gave the club an excellent start taking the score to 69 before Reg was out to the oldest bowler/keeper combination in Yorkshire, England, probably the World!

Though Young Shack and Elton 'Still Waiting For A Wicket' Bryan took the score on into the nineties, a quick flurry of wickets saw the Tong chase come to an end.

Messrs.. Rule, Higgs and Stockill did take the score on beyond the 150 mark for an extra batting point, and the team can be pleased with their first game against the League favourites.

The end of the game consisted of a major discussion as to whether the water in the new showers was a 'mans' temperature or not. It obviously wasn't when George got in for he came out looking positively normal!

And finally Piggsy finished the evening off by explaining to Donna Arms Park why he wasn't able to get the game finished so that he could be home by 7.30pm.

Ah, it must be summer!