Sat 22nd July 1st Xl v Cookridge away

Lacky's Ton & A Bit Of A Blur!

It's a wonder that any of us can remember anything of the cricket from this Saturday as it was followed by the annual Tong Barbecue - but more of that later (the bits I dare repeat anyway).

With the conclusion of the section matches from the League Cup (three defeats and a washout would at least give us some more free Sundays), it was back to the League itself and the arrival of Cookridge. The completion of this match would mean that we were half way through the League fixtures, having had the original Cookridge game on the first day of the season washed out and the whole of that days programme transferred to the last Sunday in the season.

Another toss lost, so another insertion. The return to our original opening partnership of Reg and Lacky though producing a very sound start.

By the time that Reg was out for 25 in the twentieth over the score had been taken to more than respectable 76. Lacky, joined next by Young Shack, continued his chanceless innings in majestic style and had reached 90 by the time that Darren was out in the thirty-seventh over also for 25 runs.

Lacky's maiden century for the club, which had followed on from consecutive scores over 50, was to see him leapfrog over Reg to the top of the batting averages. Though he was soon out for 106, Lacky was taken to the hearts of the Tong support even more - especially the single chromosome variety!

With only 7 overs remaining though the rest of the batting struggled to increase the scoring rate, and the overs ran out with a total of 214 on the board. A score that would always be difficult to defend on the small and now fast Tong outfield.

Bang, smash and we're off. The easy paced Tong wicket causing the Cookridge batsmen as much difficulty as it had our own.

Though the opposition was pegged back for a while by a wicket from Huddy, Messrs.. Quadas and Nawaz completely dominated all nine bowlers used by Reg, the latter also passing the century mark.

So halfway through the season and halfway up the League table.

The Blur

Right, enough of that silly game let's get the main event - the Barbecue.

For those of you who have not experienced one of our little shindigs, let me give you a little background and atmosphere.

The Barbecue is the main fundraiser for the sports club and has become very much a social occasion for the whole area - not just the club and the village. From our original 'do's' in an open sided barn together with bales of straw (great fun!!) the venue has moved into a large marquee. The original dance floor of bare earth (dust up to the knees next morning!) has been succeeded by a wooden covering. This has a wonderful wave in keeping with the lie over the underlying field!

Much of the event is unchanged though, with excellent food, fine beer and wines, first class entertainment and the best of company. For the hardy few there is also the chance of watching the dawn come up and having breakfast of the left over food and a glass of red wine.

As with all years, tales from the evening are numerous though many untellable. So for the sake of the easily embarrassed and divorced, much must remain anonymous.

On arriving at 7.00pm to drop my lad Geoff off who was on bar duty, I was surprised to see that the bouncers Cross and Kinder were already in place. It has always been customary for the vast majority of the gathering to attempt to have their usual Saturday quota at the Greyhound before they arrive - thus making a 7.30 start more like 8.30. Coupled to this of course is the finishing time of the games, though this was not going to be a factor this year!!!

Kinder, on realising his early arrival was not needed made straight for the Barbecue bar - a factor which was to have an effect before the end of his evening! Apparently, and this did not come to light until sometime after the event, Kinder finished the evening off by talking to Hughie down the big white telephone and then collapsed on the bathroom ducks. (No madam I don't think that they were real ones!) One thing is certain, you can always judge a Tong 'do' by the state of Kinder - this one must have been a cracker!

Some 250 plus eventually found their way to the marquee - approximately half of who would not find their way home again later!

Orderly queues (!?) started to form for both food and drink and the first dancers took to the floor - all was going smoothly, or was it?

Now of all the men in the tent that night you would have thought that Bobby McCutcheon was the most experienced with women and would not commit the ultimate sin (from a woman's point of view).

Sue, Kirsty and I were sharing a table with Bob and Jackie, Samantha (Jackie's friend) and Mark and Carol (friends from Runswick) but unknown to all of us we had also got an 'ex' of Bobby's on the table. (No on a chair you silly arse!) When we arrived therefore the atmosphere was somewhat frosty, and to make matters worse Bob was busy at the Barbecue under his chef's hat. After a bottle of white wine Jackie was ready to have it out with Bob and took off to do so!

Within half an hour Samantha went off in search of Jackie, but soon returned to grab her remaining bottle of wine and announce that they were departing. So they went, and so did Bob, never to be seen again that night.

Now we are all used to domestics, especially if you play cricket all summer, but by the end of the evening we had not only had to entertain Bob's 'ex' (though she did most of the talking) but we had also to get Mark and Carol back to Bob's, since both were incapable of finding a taxi!

Previous Barbecues have seen other domestics and quite often it has been the females of the partnerships who have become the most aggressive. Many a husband has had a good slapping before the end of the evening and we've even had the girls fighting amongst themselves, though not over me sadly.

No Barbecue would be the same without our Balloon Dance. Laid on especially for the girls the finest figures in Tong males have partaken of this event. Wearing only masks, these Herculean males perform with great timing and precision the most complex of moves whilst protecting their masculinity. Interestingly, these naked forms are quickly recognised by the vast majority of the females of the audience. As always we are looking for new volunteers for next year and the ladies committee have asked to be able to vet all applications! Please send emails and photo attachments to marlene@tongcc.co.uk.

New for this year was our very own Chubby Brown, who added some style and sophistication to the evening!

Tong's answer to the Waterson's (Spargo's and friends) provided a superb live performance of Punk, Rock and Pop with a guest appearance from our own Elton John. He was obviously living off the euphoria of his century, and continued to do so for the rest of the night!

On a night of much fun, Hornby was impressed with Mrs Piggsy's ability with the Rolling Rock and we were all impressed with Lacky's dancing. We renewed acquaintances seen once a year, though names became less memorable as the evening progressed, and we, well, fell over.

As the dawn approached and the beer and red wine ran out (we've still some cases of white available - cheap) the party goers drifted their way homeward. This year it would seem without incident, but in previous instances we have had people falling over curbs and breaking legs, and some years ago Ruley decided that he and friend Pam (another 'ex' Bobby - but there are a lot around) would take the direct route back to their homes in Pudsey across the fields. Ruley still bears the facial scars where he says that he walked into a barbed wire fence!

For me the evening finished off by trying to recover Kirsty from the clutches of the Huddersfield Lockwood opener - which I said wasn't a problem as long as she got him to play for us next year. Finally thanks on behalf of the club and all who attended to all those of you who worked so hard towards the Barbecue's success, and to Sue for getting the Hannam's safely home - See you all again next year.