Tattler May98 Page 2

Ever seen cobwebs develop on a cricketer? We have! ‘Reg’ (I’ve got too much on my plate) Woodhall swept to 4 in his first hour at the crease, 7 in eighty-five minutes before eventually waking up and knocking 13 runs off the next two overs. The final feat actually stirring the crowd who responded with cheers of delirium. Hence ‘Webby’ was born.

Seeing darkening clouds approaching ‘Ken McKinley’ and Steve ‘Herman’ Holmes set about the opposition bowling with gay abandon to produce a 5 wicket win with 6 overs to spare - then the heavens opened.

Week four and Whitehall ‘1212’. Glorious summer at last and the pleasant surroundings of Becketts Park with birds singing in the trees and couples fornicating on the grass.

It had been some years since we had last graced this square, and there had been some improvements to the facilities - there were now two metal boxes ‘lifted’ off the back of some container lorry. The toilets also left a little to be desired as it was found to be less smelly with your head down the loo! Quite who discovered this is not clear!

Anyway a ‘good toss to win’ and our skip put the opposition in, though ‘Herman’ it seems would rather have laid out on the boundary sharing 12th man Spargo’s beer!

At 9 for 4, 15 for 5 and 20 for 6 wickets we were heading for a very early Three Horse Shoes, but then the circus performers (ably led by Simon ‘Beaky’ Breakwell) decided to make a game of it and the first innings stretched out into the 39th over.

‘Reg’, still in his ‘Webby’ mould and ‘Fat Boy’ virtually finished the game as a contest with a opening stand of 58. It was one of those days when the whole of the batting order would have fancied their chances against the Whitehall bowling. Perhaps we’ll bat first at home and reverse the batting order!

Game six and ‘Webby’ comes out of his shell against Pudsey Congs. Crashing the ball to all corners of the ground ‘Reg’ reached his 50 having hit 12 fours, each hit with correct technique! Well done ‘Reg’, lets have more of the same and a magic ton before the end of the season.

In the same game ‘Piggsy’ put in yet another heroic bowling performance finishing with 8 for 59. Having already acquired 21 wickets he must be well on his way to winning the league averages, not bad for a batsman who bowls a bit!

The game against Pudsey Congs finished on a somewhat controversial note though. A straw pole amongst the players would have given the fielding point to either Reg or Buttocks. For some reason the umpires saw fit to give it to a greasing little ‘Fat Boy’!

As a final note from the game, players and supporters will be pleased to hear that our scorer has now got the hang of making sure that the opposition scorer looses track of the proceedings when their side is batting. According to the umpires, Kirsty managed to dock 11 runs from the Congs total. Unfortunately for Congs, their scorer agreed with Kirsty’s total and so the umpires were ignored!

Meet the players:

“Webby/Reg” - an opener who can be a little slow off the mark. A classic batsman who always hits the ball on the ground, which is why he’s been caught out every week!

“Fat Boy” - could be attributed to half the team but is actually a reverent description for a player who greases up to the umpire for the fielding point.

“Mushy” - a close call this one since it’s a long time since we actually saw the ball spin!

“Buttocks” - again could be one of six, but is either a reference to a surname or the fact that we’ve been fined again.

“Piggsy” - the oldest 28 year old that you’ve ever met!

“Wolfgang/Herman/Shack” - depending upon the moment, this star of German ‘X’ films could be called any of the above.

Shackette” - a limp(ing) figure of his former self, more obviously son of “Shack”

“Ken McKinley” - who nose who this is?

“George” - a recently acquired tag which has something to do with keeping - chickens, or young boys!

“Fagaroo” - a relative of the big cat family, rarely seen unless shopping for curtains.